Cold harsh darkness..........so dark that I can't even see my hand before my face. It's hard to breathe and I can't find a light any where. I'm scared-so very scared...I don't know what to do. I strech my arms out, hands grasping for some thing-any thing, yet at the same time I'm just a little happy to feel nothing. Things run through my head like whispers from times past. Things I wish I had said or done differently, was it to late? Oh, when will I be free of this darkness and bitter cold. One of the whispers said some thing about the bible..but I'm no good at remembering.
(John 3:16) He so loved the world......everybody knows that one. What was that one............um....(1Samuel 2:1-11) Hannah's Prayer...yes, oh but I can't remember all of that one either. Some thing about how God Blesses the humble but brings down the haughty? I would look it up if I could see any thing. Why did that one come to mind.........of all the many verses in the bible.....why did that one come to my mind just now?
There is another one where it talks about not acting like we are important to be humble. (1Peter 3:2-4) God spoke to me as I read verse four and led me to circle the words Ornament and in the sight of God and of great price. He told me that He sees me as the Ornamental Jewel in His Crown, of great importance to Him.
Yet were is He now, in this darkness where I feel so alone? When every thing I know is falling apart all around me? When I shutter with cold? Why can I not feel Your warmth or see Your light? I have tried my best not to ever put myself before others...and to always ask for your forgiveness if I ever do or for any thing I have done that is displeasing to You...........and yet You are not here. Yes I have doughted and lost my faith, but I have never not once-forsaken You. I have never said that I didn't believe in You or Your existance-not once! So, why have You forsaken me? Now when I need You so badly-WHY?
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