I CAN HEAR THE BEAT

THE CHOSEN

This is a YouTube video series that I was asked to watch. I’m glad I did. I was then asked the question of which episode I liked best, what follows is my answer.

Okay, you’ve asked me to let you know which episodes I like the best...well unfortunately there isn’t one...there’s eight. I wish I had the money to pay it forward and help someone else see/feel what I have. After watching almost all of episode 8, my mind wandered back to a dark time in my life. This was back before I was baptized, back before I had been officially diagnosed with depression. It was late one night, I was in bed. I had been battling all day with my mind. Thoughts so dark-whispers of the devil floating about my mind. “I would be better off dead”. “No one would care or even miss me”. I buried my face in my pillow to quiet my cries. I didn’t want to wake up the household. I was so distraught, tiered from battling all day and now into the night against my own mind. Weeping and begging for release from my mind, a way out of that dark pit that was my mind.  I turned slightly and then HE came. Slowly I felt these strong, but gentle arms draw me close-as a father or big brother might hug you close to their heart. The warmth and rhythm of the heart beat enveloping me. I began to calm down-cries drifting off. As I lay there listening to the heartbeat I  fell asleep. The next morning I awoke and remembered all that had happened. I knew then that somehow all would be different from then on. April 24, 2016 I was baptized. In January 2017 I was diagnosed with depression and started on meds to help me. No this road isn’t easy, but I’m still here, still on the path. I haven’t and may never learn all there is, but I don’t really want to. I am an eternal work in progress... and I am still progressing. I am not pure and perfect-I don’t have to be. HE-as I finally came to realize-is ever with me, holding me close so I can hear the beat.